What is the TARDIS doing in my Chemisty Class?
by Temporal Austenite
Summary: This is a prompt given to me by a dear friend. The TARDIS appears in an American high school chemistry class. A bit of madness ensues, and three teenagers sneak aboard. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

_This was a prompt that my friend gave me. "What the hell is the TARDIS doing in my chemistry class? Include 1.) A reference to Shakespeare, 2.) The mention of a Turnip, 3.) "I'm The Doctor, not a miracle worker!" and 4.) The last song I listened to is stuck in The Doctor's head._

_Disclaimer: I do not own The Doctor, Amy, Rory, or anything related to them.  
_

"And these gases are called the noble gases. Can anyone tell me why?" The teacher asked. Jen rolled her eyes as her best friend stuck his hand in the air. "Ah…John, you've answered every question in every single class. Why not let someone else answer?" John's hand sank down slowly. "Now, Jennifer, why don't you answer?"

Jen's eyes had drifted away from him at that point. Which is why the teacher was very upset when Jen answered, "What the hell is the TARDIS doing in my Chemistry class?"

"Excuse me?"

She had watched it slowly appear. It faded into existence haltingly, and she had heard the odd noise that it had made. Standing in front of the classroom door was a tall blue _thing_ that read 'Police Box'. Jennifer Barrow pursed her lips. "What. Is. The. TARDIS. Doing. In. The. Classroom?"

"Jen, reality calling."

"John, I'm talking to reality right now. You look at the door. Then let me get back on the phone with fantasy, because that makes a lot more sense right now."

Everyone turned to look at the door in the slow motion. No one turned around quickly. However, Sophia screamed and fainted the moment her eyes saw the box. Reliably, almost everyone rushed to her.

Slowly, the door to the Tardis opened a crack. Then a head of brown hair poked out. "Did I do that? Sorry." He exited the box. "Hope she'll be okay."

"Why are you in my classroom?"

"Who are you?"

"My name is Jen. You are the Doctor. Why are you in my classroom?"

"I got distracted." He looked around the room quickly. "Where am I?"

"Who are you?" The teacher stood up.

"I am the Doctor. Am I in a high school?"

"Yes." John answered

"Science class?"

"Chemistry." Jen answered

"I taught Physics once." The Doctor looked down at Sophia. "You'd probably be best get her down to the nurse. I can teach chemistry."

The teacher looked up at him. "You will do no such thing."

"Why not?"

"You could be a mass murderer."

"Do I look like a mass murderer?"

Sophia woke up, saw his face peering down at her, screamed again, and fainted. The teacher looked over at him, eyebrows raised. "What? She's obviously hysterical! You can't count that as proof! She's overly dramatic! No proof!"

"You don't look trustworthy!"

"I, sir, am The Doctor! And I look more trustworthy than I have some other times! Once I wore a celery stick! On my lapel! I used to walk around in a long brown coat! I'm wearing a bowtie now! I think I look trustworthy!"

"You have that stupid hairstyle that all the kids wear today!"

"Do not! Mine is much better! And it isn't straightened all the time! Can you imagine how bad I would look?"

"To be honest, I don't care! You are obviously a crazed madman with a box-"

"I object to crazed."

"And I must inform you that if you harm any of the students you will be hunted and locked up."

"No. No violence. Not on my watch." The Doctor stood up. "So…Chemistry. Chemistry. Chemistryyy. Chem. What do I know about chemistry?" He smiled brightly. "Ah. I know that much about Chemistry. It involves chemicals. Now…where do you keep the chemicals?"

"Do not tell him;" The teacher started. It was too late, though. Half of the students had pointed to the cabinets.

"And a…yes, a beaker. Which one?"

"Don't-"

"Thank you!" He brought all of the materials up to the front of the classroom. "Prepare to be mystified!" His eyes were drawn to a small knob. "What does this do?"

"That turns on the gas! Don't-"

"Fun! Let's turn it on! And let's see. Do I have matches? I like fire! Does anyone else like fire? Oh. Right! I'm _not_ a crazed madman. Don't worry. It's safe. Well, safe enough." He patted his pockets, "Matches…right here!" He lit a match and flames shot across the room. "Fire! Keep watching the fire! And over here I'll add a bit of powder into this solution. What is this? Oooh. It doesn't have a label. Can't light it on fire if I don't know what it is! Let's mix in a bit of this too."

After another minute of him mixing unknown powers into the one beaker, John grabbed Jen's elbow. "We have to get out of here."

"And go where? We are on the second floor. There is a big, blue box blocking the-" Jen stopped suddenly. "Let's go. You're right."

Now he looked confused. "Where?"

"Trust me?"

"No!"

"Oh, well. Always try to be nice. Come on John. Follow me."

"And we'll add a bit of this too!" The Doctor held up sulfur.

"You'll kill us all!" The chemistry teacher shouted.

"Hope not!"

A girl with black hair followed them. "Where are we going?"

"Hey Karen. John thinks we're going to die."

"Oh dear. So, where are we going?"

Jen smiled. "Trust me?"

"Not really. Come on John. Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Attempting not to get burned up. Or exploded."

Jen opened the door to the Tardis. "John, you better come with us. Do you want to know what we could do with a large blue box, with no one to stop us?"

"No!"

"Come on then." She slid inside. Karen pushed John into before her.

The Doctor smiled, "And some of this liquid stuff! What is this stuff?"

"Bleach!"

"Fun!"

Once John was inside, he said, "It's…"

"Bigger on the inside." Karen finish, looking around.

"Really?" Jen asked. "Come on. I want to go exploring."

"Where?" John sounded suspicious immediately.

"Umm…Oh! I know!"

"Betcha she doesn't." Karen muttered. "She so doesn't."

Jen looked over at them, as she went towards a door. "Do too! Come on!"

"Jen!" John called, racing after her.

Karen grinned, "Wait for me."

They had been gone five seconds when the Doctor stepped back into the box. "Odd. Amy?"

"Yes Doctor?"

"Do you know that you shouldn't mix random powders, sulfur and bleach together?"

"Yes, Doctor." Amy entered the main area. "Rory? He's back. What happened Doctor?"

"We ended up in a chemistry class in America."

Rory looked startled, "What?"

"Rory, I'll bet _you_ don't know. It's a good thing I was there. Bleach, sulfur and other random, unknown powders are not a good mix. What sort of teacher lets a madman with a box play with chemicals?"

"Everyone okay?"

"Yes. They're all fine. Well, that one girl may need to stop fainting, but I doubt I caused that. Now, where should we go next?"

"How did we end up there?"

"I got distracted!"

"How?" Rory asked, following the Doctor as he ran around.

"You know those songs you two made me listen to?"

"Yeah?" Amy asked as she leaned against the wall.

"I've got one of them stuck in my head."

Amy grinned, "Which one?"

He frowned and rolled his eyes. "It doesn't matter."

Amy pranced over to him and grabbed his hands. "Does too! What song?"

"Bad Reputation, alright?"

Amy grinned and laughed. Rory smirked.

"I think it's fitting though! I don't give a damn about my bad reputation_._" It started off as speech and ended in song. He grinned.

"_You're living in the past, it's a new generation!_" Amy joined in. They started to dance. Like at the wedding. After a moment, Rory joined in.

Which is what they were doing when Jen, John and Karen walked in.

_Thank you for reading this! Please, please, **please** review! Please!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I do not own The Doctor or anything associated with him. Or Shakespeare. (I own a copy of a few plays, though). And, surprisingly, I don't think I've ever owned a turnip. So we're okay there too. In case those are copyrighted as well._

The Doctor grinned at Amy and Rory, "Right! Everyone grab on to something! It's time for some fun!" The three intruders hid behind the door way. The Doctor played with the controls a bit, and then the TARDIS shook violently and made the dematerialization noise. "And off we go!"

John fell down, dragging Jen and Karen with him. "Can't you manage to not fall on your feet every five minutes?" Karen moaned.

The Doctor turned around, "Ah, you! Just the person I wanted to see." Jen raised her eyebrows. John raised his hand. The Doctor looked at him as if seeing him for the first time. "What do _you_ want?"

"I just want to let you know, whatever you are, that I was practically abducted. Coming aboard your spaceship-"

"TARDIS." The Doctor interjected.

"Was not my idea." John finished.

Amy rolled her eyes. "Some friend you are. Oh, blame the girls, why don't you? If I went storming aboard a spaceship those two would willingly follow me!"

"Only to keep you from getting hurt!" Rory announced indignantly.

Amy glared at him. "I can take care of myself."

After a beat, The Doctor announced with a smile, "Only to keep some else from getting hurt!"

Amy smacked him on the back of his head. "Very funny Doctor."

He smiled, "Now, what's your name?" John opened his mouth to answer, "No, not you. You're boring. You."

Jen smiled, "I'm Jen, this is Karen and that's John."

"Alright. That's The Doctor, I'm Amy and this Rory."

"I love your hair color." Karen replied.

"Oh, thank you!"

Rory frowned, apparently just thinking of something. "How did you get on the TARDIS? Past him?"

"He was playing with fire and chemicals, and you two weren't in here."

Amy blushed a bit, but smiled, "We were a bit occupied."

Karen rolled her eyes. "TMI."

The Doctor appeared confused. "Why?"

Jen sighed, "Trust me. Too much info."

The Doctor looked at her again, and his eyes lit up. "But _you_! I need to talk to you!"

"Why?"

"You knew! No one ever knows, not unless I've run into you before! Not about the TARDIS!"

Jen shrugged, "I hear things."

"From who? That was America, for goodness sake!"

"That doesn't mean it's a different planet!"

John's mouth opened in horror, "What do you mean "was"?"

"We just left."

"Where are we going?"

The Doctor grinned, "Set the TARDIS to go to Goldilocks."

"That was just discovered."

"Goldilocks?" Amy and Rory asked.

"Earth like planet. Lots of fun."

Karen raised her eyebrows, "Who the hell named it Goldilocks?"

"Humans."

"Oh, we are idiots, aren't we? Hello aliens, we named your planet after a robber who got eaten by _bears_." Karen sighed.

"Did she really get eaten?" Jen asked.

"Breaking and entering. Big crime for a bear." The Doctor replied.

"She doesn't get eaten in some stories. Most, actually." John pointed out.

"Oh, where's the fun in that? So long as they gave her a chance;"

"Here he goes again," Amy muttered to Rory, "Every one who does something bad gets a chance to redeem themselves, but if they don't…"

"Then she deserves to be punished. One chance is enough." The Doctor concluded with a nod. He had missed Amy's remarks. "But now, for you! Who told you anything?"

"My mom did. Well, not told exactly. More didn't notice me when she was talking to my dad. Well, I think he's my dad, if you catch my meaning."

"Yeah…" The Doctor nodded, "No." He shook his head.

Amy knew how it would go, so she said, "I'll explain later, alright Doctor?"

"Fine. Continue Jen."

"Well, she was talking about this one guy she met about five years before I was born. And he got a bit drunk. A lot drunk. A lot lot drunk. Really, really, _really_ sloshed." She took a breath and continued, "And mom didn't get as drunk. Almost though. They went to his place. And when she woke up he was still asleep. And he talked a bit."

"Who was he?"

"All mom said was Captain Jack. But I was rather young at the time-"

"When did you start eavesdropping?" John asked.

The Doctor sighed, "Oh, _Jack_." He sounded mildly disappointed.

"Who is this Captain Jack?" Amy asked, "He sounds like fun."

"He is…fun. But." The Doctor sighed, "He's a time traveler, who is going to live forever. Fifty-first century man, he called himself. Amazing man. Good with guns. Works with Torchwood now, but he did help save the world a couple of times."

Amy raised her eyebrows, "And?"

"We don't talk much any more. He's…wrong. I look at him, he's a point in time and he's wrong."

Amy frowned, "Doctor, there is something you are not telling me."

"Us." Rory corrected her.

"Us." She amended.

"There is a lot I'm not telling you. Around 907 _years_ worth of stuff I'm not telling you."

"That is not what I meant Doctor." Amy frowned, "And you know it."

"It is a very, very, very long story. And you wouldn't know anything I said. Trust me, Amy, I will tell you. Now, I need to find out exactly-"

The TARDIS started to materialize. "Oh. Now, let's go explore!"

They followed the Doctor outside, where John tapped him on the shoulder, "Um, can you explain time again?" The Doctor waved everyone else ahead.

Amy shrugged and grabbed Rory's hand and led him forward. Jen glanced over at Karen, hit her on the arm and yelled as she ran forward, "TAG!"

"Again?"

"Fine, can you tell me how I was 20 million light years away about a minute ago and ended up somewhere in the far future?"

He smiled, "Shakespeare said it best, I do believe. 'Time's glory is to command contending kings, to unmask falsehood, and bring truth to light'. Or did I feed that line to him?" He smiled and followed the others to the shore.

John stared after him for a moment before yelling, "Hey! You didn't answer my question!" The Doctor waved a hand behind his back, dismissing John.

Karen and Jen were running around on the shore when John finally came over the hill. Amy was sitting on the ground next to Rory, leaning against him. The Doctor stood far on one side, just looking out on the ocean.

Amy waved at him as he passed by, heading towards his best friends. Jen saw him first and grabbed Karen's arm. He slowed down as a grin spread over her face. Then Karen started to smile as well, and he changed course and sprinted towards The Doctor.

The girls frowned and slowed down when they reached to two of them. The Doctor was frowning. They stared silently out over the ocean until Amy walked up behind them, "Doctor?"

"It's wrong. This-" He gestured around wildly, "Is all wrong."

"Wrong like Jack or-"

"Will you please stop bringing up Jack?"

"I've only done it once!"

"Which is enough. Trust me."

Jen sighed, "What is wrong then? It looks pretty. Picturesque"

"Yes. That's rather the problem." he sighed, then pointed, "There was no sign of life."

"Where is there-" John started, then saw it. "Is that an alien?"

"We're on it's planet. We're the aliens." Karen murmured. "And…no. It looks like a whale."

"Exactly!" The Doctor sighed, "Who would bring a whale out here?" The Doctor sighed, then looked over at Amy. "Nah. You can't work it. Which leaves…Oh dear."

"Would River do something like this?"

"Doubt it. Well, maybe. But she'd be around to see who came first to see it. But…would he?"

"Who?"

"Nah. Doubt it. Might have, but didn't get any answers. Would have left." He shook his head, "Oh, Jack." He murmured. "Oh, Jack." He watched the whale, shaking his head sadly.

"Can't you do anything for it?"

"No. I'm a Doctor, not a miracle worker."

Karen giggled a bit, and got looked at oddly by everyone else, "What? You've never seen StarTrek? _Never_?"

"What's StarTrek?" Rory asked.

"Nevermind." Karen sighed, "So, where do we go next?"

"We?" The Doctor and Rory asked.

"Sure. Can't leave us behind. Not now. Now that we know Jen isn't a lunatic, you can't leave us, knowing what we know."

"Not unless you can erase our minds or something." John agreed laughing.

The Doctor looked at him thoughtfully. "Huh."

Amy nodded, "Jen, you want to come with me. I want to hear more about this Jack. He won't tell me anything." She rolled her eyes.

"What is StarTrek?" Rory asked Karen. "You've got to tell me."

"It'll be a long story. Let's find a place to sit. How about those rocks over there?"

Rory looked at rocks. "Yeah, you know what, sure." He gestured Karen forward.

"Let's go over there then." Amy muttered, "It sounds boring."

"It is." Jen agreed. She looked back at The Doctor suspiciously, shook her head sadly, and started forward, "Let's go. You boys have fun."

The Doctor led John back to the TARDIS, where he wiped his memory. Rory dropped off Karen next, and together they moved the two of them to the hallway. When Amy brought Jen in the conversation started off, "What in the world is he captain of?"

"Jack?" Rory asked, confused.

"No, you." Amy sighed, "I'd really like to meet this guy."

"You might. Seem to run into him when the world is ending."

"That is not comforting."

Jen looked around, "Where are Karen and John?"

The Doctor turned to face her, "I've made them forget everything. I can't have you remembering any of this either."

"Don't make me forget the story I overheard."

The Doctor looked surprised, "What? The last time some one knew I had to take away all memories of me, they got really upset!"

Jen shrugged, "I was raised to be reasonable. It doesn't often show, but sometimes, there's a hint. I knew this wouldn't last."

The Doctor nodded. "Alright. Here it goes."

Jen frowned during lunch, "John? Karen?"

He looked up from his chemistry book, "What?"

Karen turned her head to face Jen, "Yeah?"

"Just a question that's going to sound really weird. What do you remember about chemistry?"

John was about to respond sarcastically when he paused, and looked thoughtful. "Um. There was, um, a"

"Turnip." Karen said. She sounded uncertain, "There was something to do with a turnip. Wasn't there?"

"Must have been." John nodded, "Yeah. We did something to a turnip."

Jen nodded, "Yeah. I don't know either. A turnip. Who in the universe would think up that?"

_There you go! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! And for those of you who take the time to write a review, 907 thanks a piece. Thank you so much._


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